Take a Breath - Are You Kidding Me?

If you think learning to breathe for stress management is a joke, maybe you’ve never had a knife stuck into your tender parts.

It’s like a bad joke.

A guy goes in for stress management and the therapist says, “When you start feeling overwhelmed… (cue the punchline)… take a deep breath and count to ten.”

In my head the joke ends with the sound of crickets because no one thinks it’s funny.

Paying a therapist to tell you to breathe can feel like a mechanic trying to up-sell you on an air filter. It can be annoying to say the least.

But the truth is, the air you breathe is kind of a big deal.

A car engine needs three things to operate: Fuel, fire, and (I’m sure you can guess where I’m going with this) air.

Let’s change the metaphor to athletics.

The first thing a runner learns is not which muscles to tighten or how to balance. Those things are instinctive. And the answer is not to keep breathing either. It’s closer but still off. The most important lesson for a runner is how to breathe out.

The human respiratory system automatically takes in lots of air. We don’t really need coaching on that part. What we don’t do naturally well is fully exhaling. When put into a stressful situation we often forget to breathe out as fully as we breathe in. If we’re running, this leads to carbon dioxide building up in the body and produces side cramps, dizziness, and a lot of other problems. If we’re not running but in some other stressful situation, the side effects are still basically the same.

Let’s pivot the metaphor again.

One of nature’s most demanding feats of athleticism is childbirth. And what’s the first thing everybody learns in birthing classes? Breathing – with a focus on exhaling.

What’s the equivalent of childbirth for men? Well, the verdict is still out on that, so let me side skirt that question with a story.

Awhile back a friend told me how he used the breathing tips from birthing class during a vasectomy. Turns out, even with anesthesia, there is quite a bit of discomfort involved in the procedure. So there he is lying on the table while the urologist is working with a knife down below, and when the pain hits, my buddy starts with the focused breathing. The urologist, being ever so courteous, pauses in the middle of the procedure to compliment him on his breathing technique.

The moral of the story?

If you think learning to breathe for stress management is a joke, maybe you’ve never had a knife stuck into your tender parts.

Or, more seriously, maybe you’ve never had a panic attack at work.

Or maybe you’ve never had your physical safety threatened in a tangible way.

If you find yourself in that kind of situation, you will be glad you took the time to practice breathing.

So what’s the secret?

When I teach breathing techniques, I think it’s better to spend a lot more time on “why” than “how.” If you understand the “why”, then the “how” is simple.

When you get hit with panic or pain, your breath is the first thing to change. So, to reverse the process, start at the same place. The goal is to slow down your breathing and get rid of the built up carbon dioxide and extra muscle tension.

There are two steps.

One. Breathe in however is most comfortable, and breathe out like you’re blowing out candles on a birthday cake or -I like this image better- like you’re blowing through a straw.

Two. Focus on making your out-breath longer than your in-breath.

Do these two things and your body will begin returning to a relaxed, calmer state. It’s not automatic, so don’t expect an instant fix. Just keep at it and give yourself five or ten minutes to start noticing a difference. (If you start getting dizzy or light-headed, you’re doing it wrong. If that happens just stop, try to think about something relaxing, and try again later.) More severe situations may take longer, but the principle is the same.

It’s like cooking with cast iron. The more you do it, the richer the experience becomes. It gets smoother and easier. And the effect becomes more automatic.

The more you do it, the faster your body learns to respond.

Want to take it to the next level? Find a calm place in your city like a park or scenic overlook. Practice your breathing there on a day when you feel tense. Later when you are stuck in your office, you can tap into that calm place just by beginning to breathe.

Still not convinced? Try reading the short book Peace is Every Step by the civil rights leader Thich Nhat Hanh who Marin Luther King Jr. nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize and who has aptly been described as “a cross between a snail, a cloud, and a piece of heavy machinery”.

-Austin